no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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