i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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