He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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