if i can run in heels then i can drive
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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