she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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