I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
