Sober January is a disaster.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And then he peed in my hair
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