i was born a porn star she said
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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