my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
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seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.