she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.