High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries