I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
