I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
