made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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