I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
