is your mom at the bar?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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