One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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