i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
too bad you live with your parents still
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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