I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
