the condom got lost in my hair
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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