Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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