So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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