I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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