she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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