I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
