dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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