i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
