i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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