do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
