just tell him i said nine months
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
