it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
