I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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