he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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