Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
