God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
