hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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