Tell her she can't have a vagina
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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