He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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