it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
