im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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