Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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