I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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