Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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