if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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