she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
