Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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