I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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