No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
