Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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