You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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