I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
