PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
