Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Say something about gay babies.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
