margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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