Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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