I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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