Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's blow job season.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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