I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
