i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
