Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
